I hate when people use platitudes! It drives me up a wall. No one will ever accuse me of being a "Suzy sunshine". I'm not a " Debbie downer" either but I am a realist.
You must face life as it is and not pretend that the world is full of sunshine and rainbow. People are not always nice, sickness is not always healed and life stinks sometimes no matter how good a person you have been. I am grateful that sometimes people are nice and doctors have answers and life is good on occasion. I worry about those though who believe it is always that way.
I have found since I lost my Mom, I've had a disease that doctors have no clue about and I have watch my family face more storms than sunny skies that life is NEVER fair. It is sometimes dark and filled with tears and fears. It is more often that the skies are filled with rain than rainbows. I grit my teeth and bite my tongue when people tell me that I should look on the bright side well that must be my blind side because I can't find it most days.
Sorry for the rant but well as I say life is mostly fill with bull shit!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Why is life so unfair? Oh yeah no one said it would be!
I'm feeling totally out of sorts. I feel anxious and angry. I feel like life is unfair and that I am handling way more than one person should. Do I have the right to feel this way? No, probably not there is always someone who has it worse.
The thing is I know this in my mind but it hasn't reached my heart. I look around and see people who have things I do not and they don't seem to even care that they have it. I look at people who have smoked, drank and even shot up on drugs, they have slept with anyone who was willing but have their bodies turned on them? Have they lost the ability to walk or see? NO! Would I wish for them to live with what I do? NO! I just wonder why.
I want to grab these people and shake some sense into them. I want them to see the gifts they have been given. To be honest I was not grateful for my good health either before I lost it. I also did nothing to cause it to turn on me. It is a scary thing to be told there is no cure for what you have and yes one day it will kill you.
I know this post makes no sense but since no one reads this but me I've just decided to vent.
The thing is I know this in my mind but it hasn't reached my heart. I look around and see people who have things I do not and they don't seem to even care that they have it. I look at people who have smoked, drank and even shot up on drugs, they have slept with anyone who was willing but have their bodies turned on them? Have they lost the ability to walk or see? NO! Would I wish for them to live with what I do? NO! I just wonder why.
I want to grab these people and shake some sense into them. I want them to see the gifts they have been given. To be honest I was not grateful for my good health either before I lost it. I also did nothing to cause it to turn on me. It is a scary thing to be told there is no cure for what you have and yes one day it will kill you.
I know this post makes no sense but since no one reads this but me I've just decided to vent.
Friday, December 30, 2011
A little about a rotten little thing called Devics
You say you have no idea what that is well join the crowd! It is an awful monster that I live with everyday. It attacked me when I least expected it. I was sitting in a meeting (a very boring meeting I might add) when suddenly I had an awful pain in my left eye. Me being me decided that even though it felt like someone had stabbed me in the eye with an ice pick I should finish out my work day. I noticed that everything in my left side vision was blurry but I stumbled through my day and drove home. The next morning I knew something was really wrong I was not able to see out of my left eye! I will never forget the eye doctor off handedly saying ,not to me but the resident, she is blind in that eye. I must have a made noise because the resident said to me I am sorry.
This was the start of a long journey. It took 2yrs and me falling and being unable to get up on my own before I was told I had Devics. It is very rare and no one seems to know about it unless they are a nuro versed in it. I have no love for the monster but we have come to know each other well. It put me in the hospital and I fought my way out. It put me in a wheelchair and I fought my way out of it. Will I win against the monster? Doctors tell me no. See the monster always wins in the end. Will I keep fighting it? Oh yeah with my last breath!
I will talk about my monster Devics from time to time. I promise this will not become a disease blog. LOL But Devics has helped me see the world a bit differently. I am now disabled and I realised how often I have over looked people with disabilities. I no longer do that, I am very aware of the hardships. He has taught me other things I will share in time. So now you know a little more about the monster and me.
This was the start of a long journey. It took 2yrs and me falling and being unable to get up on my own before I was told I had Devics. It is very rare and no one seems to know about it unless they are a nuro versed in it. I have no love for the monster but we have come to know each other well. It put me in the hospital and I fought my way out. It put me in a wheelchair and I fought my way out of it. Will I win against the monster? Doctors tell me no. See the monster always wins in the end. Will I keep fighting it? Oh yeah with my last breath!
I will talk about my monster Devics from time to time. I promise this will not become a disease blog. LOL But Devics has helped me see the world a bit differently. I am now disabled and I realised how often I have over looked people with disabilities. I no longer do that, I am very aware of the hardships. He has taught me other things I will share in time. So now you know a little more about the monster and me.
Monday, December 26, 2011
The day after Christmas
The day after Christmas and all through the house is paper shreds, bows and no room for a wee mouse.
I in my shorts and broom in my hand chase down each tiny speck of T-paper I can stand! Mocha my pet, thinks the new rolls his present. So to the shreding he scurrys. I am not sure what is his hurry.
I am turning in my head to see what is the matter and find that somehow there is cookie batter splatter. I wonder how in the world it got in such a strange place with a complete look of confusion all over my face.I exclaim I haven't baked for 2 days and look at this place!
The presents are stacked all over the place and now I must some how find the space. I hurry and scurry with rag, mop and a broom. In the hopes that no one knocks any time soon!
Christmas is wonderful I exclaim with a shout. It's the day after I have my doubts about!
I in my shorts and broom in my hand chase down each tiny speck of T-paper I can stand! Mocha my pet, thinks the new rolls his present. So to the shreding he scurrys. I am not sure what is his hurry.
I am turning in my head to see what is the matter and find that somehow there is cookie batter splatter. I wonder how in the world it got in such a strange place with a complete look of confusion all over my face.I exclaim I haven't baked for 2 days and look at this place!
The presents are stacked all over the place and now I must some how find the space. I hurry and scurry with rag, mop and a broom. In the hopes that no one knocks any time soon!
Christmas is wonderful I exclaim with a shout. It's the day after I have my doubts about!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The weather outside is ........BEAUTIFUL
Well the world around my home is turning a lovely white! I love snow it makes even the dead looking trees look beautiful. I enjoy watching it cover the cold ground in a blanket of fluffy snow.
My sassycat decided he might like to sneak outside but when one soft little paw hit the cold snow he made a hasty retreat. LOL My wonderful dog has removed all the bottom limbs off my Christmas tree. This does not make me happy! If I am looking on the bright side it would be that it will be easier to take it down. I'm all about easy due to my many health issues.
I am almost ready for Christmas only a few more gifts to buy. My cookies are slowly getting baked and nut roll is the plan today. My life is not exactly exciting but I love it.
My sassycat decided he might like to sneak outside but when one soft little paw hit the cold snow he made a hasty retreat. LOL My wonderful dog has removed all the bottom limbs off my Christmas tree. This does not make me happy! If I am looking on the bright side it would be that it will be easier to take it down. I'm all about easy due to my many health issues.
I am almost ready for Christmas only a few more gifts to buy. My cookies are slowly getting baked and nut roll is the plan today. My life is not exactly exciting but I love it.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Christmas thoughts
It is Christmas once again. The snow has covered the ground and everything looks clean and new. I love this time of year! I love having a beautiful tree all done in white lights and crystal decoration. I enjoy the garland decorating my loft. I find the smell of homemade cookies to be one of the best in the world.
With all that said I also find it a hard time of year. I find it sad not to have the money to buy everything my friends and family would like. I find it is a time of tears for those I miss so very much. I miss my grandparents who made so many wonderful memory for me. I miss my mother who was not only a fantastic mother but also my best friend! So yes it is a sad time also.
I hope to use this as a place to ramble on about life and also to express thoughts and feelings. From time to time I will post some of my writings and poems. I hope you enjoy the time you spend here. :)
With all that said I also find it a hard time of year. I find it sad not to have the money to buy everything my friends and family would like. I find it is a time of tears for those I miss so very much. I miss my grandparents who made so many wonderful memory for me. I miss my mother who was not only a fantastic mother but also my best friend! So yes it is a sad time also.
I hope to use this as a place to ramble on about life and also to express thoughts and feelings. From time to time I will post some of my writings and poems. I hope you enjoy the time you spend here. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)